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How will I be perceived, if I ask for feedback?

By Cheryl Sylvester on April 22, 2009 in Thought Leadership

It’s typical that we want feedback on our work, our projects or events. Not the ‘great job, now let’s get on to the next deadline’ kind, but some thoughtful, useful – and of course, timely feedback. We want to know that we’re on track or off track, and how to improve for next time.

So, it’s normal to want feedback – and – guess what, it’s also normal to be afraid of how you will look asking for it.  Will I look insecure? Needy? Like I can’t wait for the formal review process?   There’s some truth in that voice of the ‘inner critic’, which can guide you in asking for feedback.  It can provide guidance for being relevant, choosing who and when to ask for feedback.

And don’t let that voice stop you.  You know that feedback is essential to growth.  Many opportunities for growth will be lost if you wait for a quarterly, or untimely annual review.  And receiving feedback from more than just your boss can help you gain valuable perspectives on your work.

So how will you look, asking for feedback?  I’m going to suggest that you’ll look confident, and humble, enough to be open to improvement and growth.  In fact, as a coach, I see asking for feedback as taking charge of your own development – leading yourself!

Where to start?  As with all learning, you can take baby steps*.  First, you can start with seeking your feedback from highly trusted sources, anonymously.  As you get more comfortable, you can ask for anonymous feedback from others who you respect, outside your inner circle.

Another baby step is to start with small questions. Not so small as to be meaningless, but small in terms of risk for you.  Ask about a project or event that you feel good about, and ask for suggestions for focused improvements.  Here’s an example:  How could I improve the flow of my presentation at our last meeting?  Check out the sample question list on the Rypple home page for examples.

By asking for feedback, you’ll demonstrate that you want to improve.  And most importantly, you’ll demonstrate that you are leading yourself, taking charge of your own growth.

Now, how would you like to be perceived? Take the step, ask for feedback – and lead yourself!

(*For those who hate baby steps, watch for the upcoming post on ‘Diving into the deep end of the Feedback Pool’)

Cheryl Sylvester

Coach & President, Beyond Success Leadership

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  • http://jaygoldman.com/ Jay Goldman

    I think Cheryl is absolutely right — it shows a lot of strength to be able to ask for personal feedback, especially on the tough questions. Top performers regularly ask for feedback (through formal and informal channels) and it’s a big part of what makes them able to tweak and improve.

  • http://www.danerwin.com Dan Erwin

    It’s clear that each has his/her own different psychological “set” that makes it easier for some and more difficult for others to ask for feedback. However, there’s solid research about learning that indicates that the more we practice a skill the easier it will get for us. The more we ask for feedback, the less defensive or fearful we become.

  • http://www.danerwin.com Dan Erwin

    Tied to my previous statement, I have a question: what does it take to get to the place where you don’t really give a damn what people think about you asking for feedback?

  • Cheryl Sylvester

    Dan – thanks for your comment and great related question. Do you really want to get to a place where you ‘don’t really give a damn’? Caring what people think about us is normal human social behaviour, imagine if we truly didn’t care… the problem comes in when we let caring what other people think stop us from doing what we know will serve our best interests.

    If I reframe your question, I hear – ‘when will I be confident enough in myself, not worry about how people think about me when I ask for feedback’. From this perspective, your comment is the first step in the answer to your question… it’s about doing something, learning from it, becoming less fearful – and becoming more confident in your ability to do it.

    So, what will it take to get to a place where you are willing to take the risk to build that confidence?

  • http://www.irdomain.com john brightman

    HI looks very interesting! bookmarked your blog. john brightman

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