Zip it, Please!
One of my hot buttons gets pushed by people who enjoy finishing my sentences. It amazes me that the older we get, the less we seem to listen. Here’s my theory: We’re taught that we need to demonstrate we’re smart, or an expert, by talking. So those who talk get more credit than those who listen.
If you’re sitting there wondering if you’re a good listener, use the following checklist in your next coaching conversation. See how many of these you catch yourself doing:
- Looking for opportunities to sound funny
- Looking for opportunities to sound intelligent
- Getting distracted by other things
- Not listening at all
- Waiting to tell your own story
If you catch yourself doing some or all of these, the good news is that you’re in the norm. The bad news is that your tendencies towards distraction and focusing inward during conversation mean that you’re likely to totally miss the other person’s point, and you’re probably giving that person the impression that his or her input doesn’t matter.
A great way to improve your listening is to rephrase what the other person says. For example, “So what you’re saying is that you’re unhappy Jane has been dominating the project meetings. Is that right?”
Another strategy is to write down your stray thoughts so you can let them go and then return your focus back to what the other person is saying. If you are going to be writing notes during the conversation, get permission before it starts.
Photo by TruShu. Licensed under CC.
Great advice Daneal!
I find making myself take a breath before talking gives my brain a chance to catch up with my mouth. It's a pretty simple trick, but taking the time to breathe in and out before you speak often helps you realize that what you were about to say isn't worth saying.
[...] why we all fail to listen, from a career coach – Zip it, please – make work meaningful from [...]