Why Coaching Clients Give Up
A review of research on goal-setting has helped us better understand two key areas of concern for leadership coaches:
- Why people give up on goals and,
- How effective goal-setting can help ensure long-term goal achievement.
An understanding of the dynamics of goal-setting and goal achievement may help coaches understand why their clients sometimes lose motivation and how they, as advisors in goal-setting, can increase the odds that their clients will “stick with the plan” and reach desired targets. 
Why do people so frequently give up in their quest for personal improvement? Most of us understand that “New Year’s resolutions” seldom last through January – much less for the entire year! What goes wrong?
Two of the Six most important reasons that people give up on goals are listed below. Following each reason will be a discussion of implications for leadership coaches and ideas for “preventative medicine” in planning – so that clients will ultimately be more likely to achieve their change objectives.
Ownership
I wasn’t sure that this coaching idea would work in the first place. I tried it out – it didn’t do that much good. As I guessed, this was kind of a waste of time!
One of the biggest mistakes in all of leadership development is the roll-out of programs and initiatives with the promise that “this will make you better”. A classic example is the performance appraisal process. Many companies change their performance appraisal forms on a regular basis. How much good does this usually do? None! These appraisal form changes just confuse leaders and are seen as annual exercises in futility. What companies don’t want to face is the real problem – it is seldom the form – the real problem is the managers who lack either the courage or the discipline to make the appraisal process work. The problem with the “this will make you better” approach is that the emphasis is on the “this” and not the “you”. Coaching clients need to understand that ultimately only you can make you better.
Successful people tend to have a high need for self-determination. In other words, the more that leaders commit to coaching and behavior change because they believe in the process, the more the process is likely to work. The more they feel that the process is being imposed upon them or that they are just casually “trying it out” – the less likely the coaching process is to work.
Coaches and companies that have the greatest success in helping leaders achieve long-term change have learned a great lesson – don’t work with leaders who don’t “buy in” to the process. As coaches, we need to have the courage to test our client’s commitment to change. If clients are just “playing a game” with no clear commitment, we need to be willing to stop the process – for the good of the company and for the good of the coaching profession.
In goal-setting coaches need to ensure that the change objectives come from “inside” the person being coached and are not just externally imposed with no clear internal commitment. Coaches need to let clients know that they are ultimately responsible for their own lives. As coaches we need to make it clear that we are there to help our clients do the work – not to do the work for our clients.
Time
I had no idea that this process would take so long. I am not sure that it is worth it!
Goal-setters have a natural tendency to underestimate the time needed to reach targets. Everything seems to take longer than we think that it should! When the time elapsed in working toward our goal starts exceeding expectations, we are tempted to just give up on the goal. Busy, impatient leaders can be even more time-sensitive than the general population.
While the “optimism bias” about time is true of goal-setters in general, it may be even more of a factor for leaders who are trying to change the perceptions of co-workers. In general, our behavior changes long before the perception of this change by our co-workers . We all tend to see people in a manner that is consistent with our previous stereotype – and we “look” for behavior that proves our stereotype is correct. Co-workers are no different than anyone else. Recent research shows that the long-term follow-up and involvement of co-workers tends to be highly correlated with changed perceptions of leaders. This is not something that is accomplished overnight. Harried executives often want to “check the box” and assume that once they understand what to do – and communicate this understanding to others – their problems are solved. If only the real world were that simple.
In setting goals with leaders it is important to be realistic about the time needed for them to produce a positive, long-term change in behavior. Habits that have taken 48 years to develop will not go away in a week. Let them know that others’ perceptions may seem “unfair” and that as they change behavior – others may not fully recognize this change for months. In this way when they face time challenges they will not feel like there is something “wrong” with them or with their co-workers. They will realize that this is a normal part of the change process. Ultimately, as the research shows, perceptions will begin to change and co-workers will begin to appreciate changed leadership behavior.
Stay tuned for part two and the next three reasons people give up on goals.
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Great post. Timely in my case as I'm looking at 2-year fitness goals, and going to work with some coaches more closely.