Throwing Spaghetti on the Wall
Sometimes the best listening can come from a hunch
Say you have this hunch that something just isn’t right with a co-worker or an employee. Instead of leaving it be, ask permission to throw out your hunch. True, it could be nothing. On the other hand, he or she could be struggling with a personal issue and feels like nobody cares, or could be ready to quit and not hiding it all that well. Either way throwing out your intuition shows you care and deepens the relationship. The trick is to not be attached to whether you’re wrong or right, but to be supportive of the person moving forward.
For Instance…
Once I was walking past a co-worker’s office and just felt that something was wrong. Instead of continuing on my way, I asked her what was up. That question and pause gave her the opportunity to share frustrations she was having with her boss. I encouraged her to share more with me without being sidetracked by her emotions. I validated that the way she was feeling was normal and asked how I could support her. She shared with me how the conversation gave her the courage to plan her next step forward.
It could have turned out that my intuition was totally off. It’s always a good idea to temper your comments or question with something like, “I may be way off-base here, but…”
Next explain what you are hearing beneath the words. If she had told me that I was totally wrong, I need to not be offended. This would be an opportunity to clarify. For example, “So if the issue is not [such and such], then what am I hearing?”
Sharing your intuition should be treated like throwing spaghetti at a wall—if it sticks, great; if it falls, not a problem.
Remember, no attachment to being right or wrong. You’re just moving the conversation in a productive direction.
The same technique could be used in a group setting as well
Have you ever been in a meeting or conversation where you have a hunch that something isn’t being said? Everyone seems stuck, the conversation is going in circles and the same issues keep resurfacing. This is a great time to throw your intuition out with no attachment to whether it is right or wrong, but with the intent of moving the meeting forward.
Photo of spaghetti by DOS82. Licensed under CC.
